Mr. Lahey is better at his job than these people

I made my way to Stratford Upon Avon which is the birth place of some writer named Shakespeare. I checked out a performance of one of his plays. It was amateurish at best. Trust me, I know good acting. I am a superstar on a Showcase TV show. Some wanker named Patrick Stewart was acting in another play later on that day but honestly I couldn't have been bothered to sit through it. They should leave the acting to trained professionals.

I wonder if Bubbles named this street

While Amy and Ian were looking at a cathedral in Gloucester, I trotted off on my own and came across this fucking street. That is one hell of a cocksucking name. Too bad I don't live here. If Patrick Swayze or Raveen asked me where I live I could say "Number One, Three Cocks Lane" instead of a swamp by Sunnyvale. Gotta thank Ian for letting slip his password for this blog. I control this fucker now.

She just loves me for my big dictionary

I learned a new word at work today. Yob. It basically means punk kid with no respect for anyone or anything. It turns out that Swindon is rampant with yobs. Tony Blair even visited this fine town to address the yob problem. Nice to see that the town I live in is the poster child for badly behaved youth. I am learning a whole other language during my stay in England. The English have different sayings than I am used to. It is a good thing I have my English to English dictionary handy. The problem is the book keeps getting bigger and bigger. Well I guess it's not a problem for some people. We all wish we had bigger dictionaries.

Toilet fit for a Queen - A Real Throne

I can't believe this. The toilet at Windsor Castle won the crapper of the year in the year 2002 and a few of the previous years as well. I must admit that the can was the cleanest public toilet that I have seen over here. I never thought that someone would pass out the honours of the "loo of the year." I wonder who the judge was, probably someone who needs to drop deuces frequently. I think that Windsor Castle must be slipping though, they haven't won since 2002. I am proud to say that I have pee'd in the 2002 winner of the loo of the year award and believe it or not this one was free. Nice to see that fame did not go to the janitor's head.

Squish, squish, splat, splat

On a little trip today, I noticed some blood splatters on the road. They looked like different types of red streaks that I noticed in Canada. It turns out instead of dead mammals, I was seeing what looked like pheasants. I am used to dead deer, raccoons and other such pain in the ass animals wandering across the road while driving but I don't think I have ever seen so many dead birds squashed flat on the motorway. I know the damage that a deer can do to a car but I wonder how much damage a tiny thing like a pheasant could do to a car. It would probably end up totaling our tiny little runt of a car.

Just for those who are curious

This is the little 6 meg program that controls the USB missile launcher. No the radar doesn't actually work which kind of sucks but for £20 who really cares. Only the left, right, up, down and fire buttons work. That is about all there is to say about that. Nice little screen capture of all the crap that is sitting on my desktop. Yes I know I have too many quick launch icons for most peoples tastes but I am too lazy to hit start, all programs, etc for some of the apps that get used not frequently enough to make it into the Winders top 7. I am actually surprised as to how uncluttered the desktop is at this moment. Usually there are tonnes of folders sitting on there waiting to get backed up plus more than a few less than completely legal files.

Death from above

Y'all need to fear me now! I am the proud owner of a USB powered missile launcher. I was checking out the rss feed on digg and came across the headline "Coolest USB peripheral ever!" Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for useless USB gadgets so I had to check it out. Marks and Spencer is the only store to have these wonderfully useless pieces of modern technology. As soon as I saw these on the website, we were out of the door shortly and the first stop of the day was to Marks and Spencer. I finally found a good reason to live in the U.K. Kind of a shame I don't work in a cubicle environment. Scorched Cubicle anyone? Right now I just use Amy as the target. She doesn't seem to find it as funny as I do.